The Dreamer In Me

Complimented by a sky blue tutu, she was standing in first position on the cold elementary school gymnasium floor. Over the intercom she heard the cue the music would start. Kermit the Frog began strumming ‘The Rainbow Connection’. Perfectly timed mini ballet jumps to chords - da, da-da, da, da, da-da. Butterflies in the stomach transformed into the feeling of sunlight peeking through the clouds as pure bliss radiated from her smile. 

Her first dance competition opened up the world of possibility, a thirst for more performances and opportunities. The discipline and repetition of plies, ronde jambe’s, and leaps across the dance floor were providing her a structure of balance and creativity. Showing her a world of dreams, desire and passion. With hard work and heart dreams could come true. 

The dance floor carried her from little girl with a tiara, to a young woman filled with emotion and photos painted in her mind of what the world could be like. The art of dancing told her story, happiness, sadness, emptiness, even flawed perceptions. The dance studio was her sanctuary - providing peace, love and hope. Sprained ankles, bruises, and falls to the floor inspired her to always get back up, to try again. 

The fire inside her kept her stargazing, even when the flame felt like paper thin ashes. The confidence she once held on the dance floor, took many blows on the stage of real life. Health obstacles, relationship woes, accomplishments, and setbacks, manipulated her perception of what she thought she could have and what she had. Often diminishing her dreams and expanding her fears, as the passion took a back seat. 

Slowly opening her heart to the world, she started understanding that passion was the difference. The slight edge that one person, business or performance used to move another to evoke an emotion, make a decision, buy something, or feel. To feel connected in her world meant change. Making room for dreams to grown, goals to be achieved, and to-do-while-living lists to be checked off. 

The magic of Kermit’s spell on the dance floor has surfaced. Allowing all her wishes and passion to expand the dreams inside and see the world in a whole new light. Once half asleep, she is answering to the call to feel and to dream bigger. 

Soulful Love

Sipping a glass of red wine, nostalgically listening to the itunes songs I have collected over the years, I realized how many phases of life I have been through and how many are yet to come. There are songs that remind me of choreographing dance routines, blissful memories with friends, and some that remind me of overcoming heartaches. 

The words of songs have so much meaning to me. The melodies sing to my heart, while the lyrics sing to my soul. I often wonder what the writer was thinking of when creating the words that will forever be a memory to someone receiving on the other end. I believe there is meaning behind everything we create, whether it’s music, a dance routine or blog post. 

Capturing the heart is not an easy task. It speaks so loud and clear, yet putting it to words or movements can be daunting. What lives inside of each of us is so much more than we can fathom. Often we suppress the feelings and emotions to stay strong, be the bigger person, or choke back the tears. They say actions speak louder than words, and I tend to believe that in most cases. The right words can create a movement or inspiration that ignites the soul, the true heart of the matter. 

The words I love you are used daily all over the world, husband to wife, mom to child, and brother to sister. Those 3 words may be the most understood among all languages across the globe. When spoken they can take on different meanings. When written on paper they express love. When described with movement or description, these 3 words embody the spirit that lives behind them. From butterflies in the stomach to goodbye kisses in the end, the emotion fills us up inside. It does not let us go, keeping hope and dreams in a moment of raw truth that we can only hope to repeat again. 

I write to express my thoughts and feelings with the world. Life experiences have shaped who I am and my heart has so much to give, that releasing the realness of moment is like bear hugging the world. There are times I need to be held and writing has its way of answering the call to unleash a passion hardly spoken of.

We all have a passion, it could be wrestling, helping others or taking care of our children. The passion we live and breath, keeps us going each and every day, allowing us to open our hearts to giving and receiving the beautiful wonders of this world. Thank you world for the grace you have shown me, the amazing journey ahead, and most of all for soulful love that could shake an empire.

Grandma’s Brownies

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I think I’m going to have a brownie for breakfast. I am craving my favorite ‘Re-fresh Mint’ tea from Starbucks and a need for comforting. The Starbuck’s chocolate brownie reminds me of the brownies my grandma made for me while visiting our family farm in Rupert, Idaho. I used to spend many hours sitting on the metal stool in the kitchen, while my grandma cooked and made sandwiches for the boys. I remember the small mason-jar style glasses she would give me filled with water, the smells of inside of the cabinets, and the round pink candy that filled a secret plastic bag. 

My favorite memory and one that will be passed down for generations to come is my all-time favorite recipe, “grandma’s brownies.” Every time I visited my grandparents, the same tupperware container atop the refrigerator awaited us with our favorite treat inside. I can’t remember a trip to grandma’s house without at least one brownie. Since my grandmother passed in 2005, I always think of her when I make her brownies. 

For some reason she has been heavy on my heart the past couple of days, Starbuck’s close second to grandma’s secret recipe (only when served warm) reminds me of her. My grandmother passed from Alzheimer’s. I was young when she was officially diagnosed, and watched her digress for years. I will never forget being twelve years old watching my grandmother ask my mom who I was. It broke my heart. She had forgotten all of our trips to Arby’s for roast beef sandwiches and Arby’s sauce, the cheese and spam sandwiches we made for the boys working on the farm, and feeding the cats warm milk and bread. 

I loved visiting the farm. Picking apples from the apple trees, sneaking past my Great Grandma’s adjacent house because I was afraid it was filled with ghosts, and riding the tractors. I never loved getting dirty, taking a bath in the 1 inches of water provided, or waiting to flush to save water of. (My grandparents received their water from a well, so they were very conservative.) When she passed, I decided I was meant to live in a city. I wanted access to fashion, buildings, and things to do. 

I never thought I would appreciate the simpleness of how they lived. There were no plastic cups, paper plates, or dishwashers. There was love, ice cream, brownies, and green fuzzy carpet. My grandparents used to take me to JCPenney to get dresses. I remember the turquoise dress with black hearts that I wore. I never knew my grandma to be into fashion (she wore grandma clothes and left false teeth on my dresser), but as it turns out she was quite the dresser when she lived Dallas. I’d like to think I have picked up some of her fashion sense, however I am quite sure polyester pants and oversized tops will never be my thing. 

I miss the farm and getting rewarded a brownie. I hate that I did not get some quality time with my grandmother in my later years. The house I just moved into has cabinets that remind me of opening the cabinets at the farm house, and it makes me feel like my grandma is her with me. I wish I could hug my grandma and do a flip on my grandpa’s legs.

I think it is time to make Grandma’s brownies - I just wish I was eating them with my family. 

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What I learned from ANTS….

  1. Faith in the unknown 
  2. There is safety in numbers
  3. Strength in what we are passionate about.

My husband and I went camping this Memorial Day weekend with two other family friends. Campfires are always filled with s’mores, laughter and ants. Flames mesmerize. Somehow creating a trance of time standing still, while the flow of water on river rocks and birds happily chirping create the ultimate surround sound.

Did someone say ants? You may eek at the at the thought of these tiny creatures crawling around, but they gave me something to think about when the heat turns up.

1) We don’t know why. Wait, sometimes we may. In this case, this water logged piece of wood was moved unknowingly to this ant family. When smoke and embers started creeping towards their home, they chose to survive and thrive by taking the situation head on. Not knowing where to go and running in circles, somehow almost choreographically, found their way to safety.

2) You need a leader, but you can’t lead without followers. Growing up many of us may have been taught to have take a buddy with us if we left home or walked away from the group. In the case of this ant team, camaraderie is all they knew. Coming together to find new shelter, it was easier as team. With limited time it is safe to say, there is safety in numbers in working together to find a solution and develop a plan. 

3) What will you fight for? Groups of ants worked together to save several eggs, moving through smoke and hot spots to find safety. These strong little creatures are strong and know the definition of perseverance. Dropping an egg to the campfire floor, the troops gather to create the rescue. 

When you are thrown in the fire, will you take it head on? In your business or life, there will be a time when something unexpected comes your way. A temporary displacement or unexpected event may just provide you the exact growth you have been waiting for. 

Ask yourself this question, will you be the leader and gather the troops or will you choose to follow when the flame is blooming in the shadows. Ignite or become submerged in water and ash, the choice is yours. 

Gorgeous home in #whispermountain #nc #asheville

Gorgeous home in #whispermountain #nc #asheville

Biking on secluded #beach #love #sea #friends #morrisisland #southcarolina

Biking on secluded #beach #love #sea #friends #morrisisland #southcarolina

#morrisland #southcarolina

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#bentcreek #hike #spring

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#ski day #wisp

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